Ignoring Self Doubt and I Could Never Paint Like You!
In November of 2019 I decided I was a real artist, and I could legitimately call myself that. I moved into a studio with great light, created a website, ordered business cards and labels and signed up to participate in my first Open Studio. All of this required taking a leap of faith in myself, my capacity to learn and improve as well as a burning desire to paint. None of which came easy because I had had a lifetime of admiring other artists and their work and wondering how do they do that? It never crossed my mind to ask “Could I do that?” until I found and joined some remarkable groups within the artistic world.
Prior to 2019, I had dabbled in taking on line courses or going to interesting art retreats. I absorbed what the teachers wanted me to absorb and recreated works of art in their vision. It was fun, the pieces I made were reasonably good and I enjoyed myself. But it was just a hobby because the art was never my own. It didn’t represent how I felt, or what I had to say, or what I thought was important. What was missing was any sign of ME.
In the first quarter of 2019 I signed up for multiple on-line courses from artist Melinda Cootsona. I had admired her figurative abstract work for awhile. Elements of Design, Answers in Abstraction and Own Your Own Colors grabbed me from the first lesson. Yes there were principals and I was introduced to many artists who exemplified those principals in a myriad of styles. But this time there was no right way to execute on what I was learning. It was up to ME to pull emotions out of myself and incorporate them in my work. This was a huge awakening for me. I loved abstract art and realized that this type of program was exactly what I needed to move forward and see how far I could go. Then I literally stumbled upon Nicholas Wilton and the Art2Life Creative Visionary Program. I signed up for the free intro course and and joined the intense annual CVP program. I went for it on the strength of that free course and my deep desire to create from within myself, rather then from external instruction. For the next 13 weeks I lived and breathed art. Yes it was instruction, but from the beginning Nicholas and the coaches tapped into our individual psyches, what was important to us, and meaningful to us. As the layers of structure built each week, one could dip into that well of personal feelings and slowly learn how to incorporate those feelings into our work. I made a decision at the beginning of the program to do everything that was asked of me. I found that very difficult to do on numerous occasions. Not because anything was unreasonable. But because of how much they pushed me out of my comfort zone. And at the age of 63, that comfort zone is really really comfy. And it is scary outside of it. And embarrassing. And yet, I REALLY wanted to learn how to paint. I had made a promise to myself, so in my head I groused about whatever it was that I didn’t like and did it anyway. And guess what? 100% of the time it was worth it. And I am here to tell you I have no more natural talent than anyone else. There were about 800 people in our program and this really dawned on me as I watched our individual and collective progress. We came to the program at different stages in our artistic journey but all moved forward in it. And the environment was incredibly supportive.
I never told anyone in my life that I was interested in creating art until I was around the age of 55. I amused myself with it as a hobby here and there for the next eight years. Prior to my taking my first three hour workshop I had not had a single art lesson in my life. As a child or young adult. There was no value placed in art in my world as a child, or in the business world I spent time in. As a mother, I watched my daughters taking and enjoying art lessons. You would think it might have dawned on me then, but it didn’t. It’s kind of ridiculous when I think about it, but I didn’t allow for the possibility that I had any talent. All along I was asking myself the wrong question. It isn’t about DO I THINK I CAN paint, or sing, or play an instrument or act. But DO I WANT TO? And I wanted to.
I encourage each of you, no matter your age to think about what interests you, what tickles you, what you wish you could do. And when that inner voice starts telling you it’s too late, or you can’t carry a tune or you are too busy or whatever - Crush it. And then start moving forward, step - by- step. What is it that YOU really want to do?
Future blogs will include other groups that have played a role in my becoming a happy working artist! If you would enjoy being on my mailing list for sneak peaks and studio news just click HERE. Take a look below at my art before Melinda’s and Nick’s programs and after as of December 2019. You can also take a look at my work from 2020 and decide for yourself if you think I have continued to make progress HERE. Find me on Instagram HERE.
BEFORE - Above are four examples of my work prior to the programs. The first two are my executing on a teaching artists’ instructions in 2015 and 2017. The latter two are when I was on my own in 2018. I would get this far and then have no idea how to resolve the issues with the paintings and bring it to completion.
AFTER - Below are four examples of the 12 pieces of work I made in 2019 after the programs. All are 12 x 12 x 1”. 1. Abundance - sold. 2. It Depends On Your Perspective - available HERE. 3. Build Your House on a Rock - available HERE. 4. It’s Happening! - sold.
